I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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