I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
