It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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