Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
