We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
