Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
