you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
