We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
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this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize