Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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