also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
