Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
