There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
