Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
