I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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