Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
