the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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