i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
