He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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