While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
