I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
