Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
