how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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