thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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