i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
