nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
