fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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