omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!