I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
