I wish you could order shots online.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.