she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
