Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
