so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
