we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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