he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
