I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
