I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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