Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i have two assholes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
