it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
