i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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