I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
