Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
