Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
