Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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