I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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