And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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