I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I color on your dick again?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
