toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
