Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
