Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
