I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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