i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
