It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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