that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
