i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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