Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
