How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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