I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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