I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
