Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
