I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's the barista slut.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
