he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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