Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Rumble strips road head = magical
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
