we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
