wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
