Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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