i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
