you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
