my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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