hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
