do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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