If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What a dumb baby whore.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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